Things that happened, Part 2

... from Friday, October 23, 1998

Barbara called this afternoon around 3pm. I guess I was in lecture; I certainly wasn't home. She told my mother that she hadn't called sooner because she was having "family problems" (i.e. she's fighting with her mother again - like no one else does this) even though I would "probably think that's crap." She knows me too well. Apparently she wasn't having family problems last weekend when she went out with Alyssa and Colleen. Or when she called James on Monday. Jesus Christ, at least try and think of a decent excuse. I was mauled by wolves, for instance.

I wonder sometimes about these people I call my friends. But why dwell on it?

Today was probably the first I can remember in a long while where I didn't work on my film. I guess I decided to give myself a break after finishing the visual aspect of it. On Monday I need to get the voice over in there as soon as I can sneak into the multimedia lab.

It was an absolutely beautiful day. I think Fridays should always entail nice weather. There should be some kind of mandate. There's something about fresh, warm sunshine and a cloudless sky that makes you feel like that whole week was worth it. Because of that I think the painfully overcrowded subway (due to the victory parade for the Yankees) didn't make me as homicidal as it might have.

This is something I'm going to work at from now on. I'll do some existential housecleaning and try focusing on the positive things in my life. Dare I say that I'm giving optimism a chance? Maybe. You never know you don't like it until you try it.

On the other hand, since I seem to be doing pretty well in my liberal arts-centered classes, I can't help but think that I'm only kidding myself with this film major. As much as I kept telling everyone that, if it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel as though I failed - yeah, that's a lie. I could never admit that I had not only made a bad choice but that I was also unable to live with it. I have this thing about permanence. If I'm going to wrangle enough courage to do something drastic, it's going to damn well be a lasting arrangement. I could never see myself switching majors (much less changing schools - I did that enough in grammar school), getting a new job, admitting that I was wrong. If I make a bad choice, I'm going to stick with it. That's probably not a terribly productive way of thinking, but, hey - tenacity has got to be worth something, right?

Although, at the moment, I'm enjoying myself well enough in my film classes. Whether I like it enough to make a living at it is still up for debate. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that I do just to save face. Nah. I wouldn't sit through my hellish Language of Film recitation on sheer principle alone.

The only other notable thing today was that I fainted during my blood test. I'm not at all ashamed of this. To the contrary, I seem to find these kinds of weak moments as possessing their own brand of glory. I'm not totally sure why it happened; I've had these sort of tests for more than five years and never had a problem. It's certainly not my favorite thing, but it's nothing worth passing out over. Regina, the nurse, asked me if it was "my first faint" (like when people talk about your first period or your first date - some kind of initiation into adulthood?). No, actually, it was my second faint. There was that little incident in the emergency room two years ago. I'm quite the veteran when it comes to unceremoniously collapsing after needles are involved. So Regina actually pronounced me "a fainter," brought me a Coke, and told me to have my blood taken lying down from now on. Oh, indeed, I sure will.

After that I went to McDonald's and ordered myself a Deluxe Big Breakfast. I'm such a medical hypocrite.