Life 101 with Bling Judy

From what I understand, motherhood is often an aggravating, thankless life sentence. I got Mom some Bob Seger tickets once, though. It's the least I could do.

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought it would be nice to share some of the invaluable wisdom that my mother has passed down to me over the years - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

Never put bras in the dryer.

Potatoes are not really a vegetable.

Put no stock whatsoever in what someone tells you. Only believe what they do. In general, people are too lazy and selfish to actually follow through on things they don't really care about.

Never get married. When it comes time (and, make no mistake, the time will come) to kick him to the curb, it's much cheaper if it's not legally binding.

Female pets will tolerate you. Male pets will adore you.

If the straw doesn't stand up in the frozen margarita, it's not cold enough.

Everyone is too busy worrying about their own cellulite to think you look fat in your bathing suit. Get over it. No one is looking at you.

Always make your bed. It will make you feel better when you get home and your bedroom isn't a hellhole.

Thou shalt not wear open-toe shoes unless thou hast had a pedicure.

If you don't know, ask.

It's impossible to own too many pairs of flip flops.

The hardest thing you will ever do is watch the people you love make mistakes. But unless they get hurt, they'll never learn.

No one knows what size your jeans are unless you tell them. Just wear what fits.

Always send thank you notes to family members because you never know whose will you're in.

Your daughter only acts like she's not paying attention you when tell her things. She also wishes you wouldn't wear those pants out of the house.